Wal Mart now offers a "Church of God" Franchi$e.

Reverend Kscribe has decided that anyone should be able to pursue the American dream of owning and operating your own church. With purchase, you will receive the following:

1) The Book of Doctrines. A manual on how to develop your own church doctrines. The winning game plan on the do's & dont's so that you don't get any attention from the Feds.

2) 100 disfellowship letters.

3) Your very own church logo, designed by world famous COG owner, Rev. Kscribe.

4) 40 sermons by Herbert W. Armstrong that you can twist to fit the times we live in. The in's & out's that you don't want the sheep to know!

5) "The book of Speculation." A rare resource that will teach you how to take todays news & trends and develop them into prophecy or moral issues that will scare the pants off & rip open the wallet of any true blue ribbon tithe payer! A rare classic indeed!  

6) A little known manual that will show you how to pay off the church board to keep quite when you get caught in a sex scandal. Also, we supply information that will show you HOW to keep members as "associates" of the church. *Legal issues that will allow you to dissolve your church & start a new one when the shit hits the fan, and still keep those bank accounts!

7) Software that will allow you to quickly develop a church hymnal. A random music generator will take any paragraph out of the bible and put it to music. This software resulted in a joint partnership between Church of God Industries and Microsoft. Thanks Bill!

* Wavier must be signed by your new corporate sole. 10% of yearly gross income will be payed to Church of God Industries for the support & legal services for the first three years on a church start up. Church of God Industries has the right to seek legal recourse in case of  default. Church franchise(s) are restricted to only those engaged in nonprofit, instructional, research, or pretend scholarly activities for spiritual or educational purposes......